Friday, December 17, 2010

A Snowman story

I'm feeling rather bad that my blog is getting neglected, since the holiday season keeps me busy, and I allow myself to get distracted.  Since I feel bad, I decided I'd give you all a story to read.  I wrote this back in Dec. of '04.  I hope you enjoy it.

George always knew in his heart that he was not like other snowmen, but for weeks he could not understand what set him apart. Then one day he happened upon a book titled "The Cannibal Cookbook" and all of his questions where answered. The reason that he felt different from the others was because he had an insatiable hunger to eat them all. (Funny how he didn't notice this sooner). So, with a true understanding of himself he set out to become what he felt that he was inside, a true cannibal.

For days George poured over "The Cannibal Cookbook" making sure that he understood everything that he was supposed to do to make his life as a cannibal successful. Then, finally, he set his plan in action.

Now, if any of you have ever had dealings with snowmen you will know that, in general they are not very swift creatures (unless you happen to be on a hill and there body parts get a nice gentle shove that send them rolling, but George avoided these ones). George had absolutely no trouble catching his first snowman victim. He made sure that his victim was unconscious and then placed it in a large black cauldron full of water, put a fire under it and walked away because the cookbook had warned that it would take a while. A while to do what, you may be thinking, since you, I assume, are not a cannibal. Well, as George learned in "The Cannibal Cookbook" if you want to be a successful cannibal there are many ways that you can do it, but the easiest way, especially for beginners, is to boil the body for a good long time, so that the flesh falls off the bone, making your job much easier (and if you are worried about the loss of nutrients, drink the water). The cookbook warned that this can take a long time, depending on the size of your victim, which is why George walked away and left the pot unattended.

Hours later, when he came back, the fire had already gone out, and he approached his cauldron, mouth watering at the thought of his first meal as a cannibal. But, to his surprise, when he looked inside he saw no bones and flesh to eat. All that was there was the water he had used to boil the snowman in...and, to his shock, it seemed deeper than it had been before. George was furious, wondering what other cannibal snowmen there were in the area that would come to steal his meal. But in the end, none of that mattered, he was still without food, and so he went out and found himself another snowman, and repeated the process. But again, when he came back the pot held no meat just water, a little deeper than when he left it.

George became desperate. He felt as though he was starving and was furious that someone would take away his only food more than once...surly they didn't need that much to be satisfied. So, he concocted a plan to catch his thief. He caught a new snowman and put it in the pot of water, then walked a little ways off and hid behind a tree, to watch the pot and see the perpetrator. But, no one came. He waited the full length of time he had in the past, maybe even a little longer, but he saw no one. With great pleasure he rushed towards his cauldron and looked inside. There was no flesh and no bones, just water, a little deeper than when he left it.

George was confused now, more than furious. He wanted desperately to know what was happening to his meals. When he caught the next snowman and put it in the pot he decided to stay right up next to the simmering cauldron to see what happened to his victim.

Now, I am sure that you and I know exactly what was happening to George's victims. They were melting. But I am sorry to inform you that George was never able to discover this for himself. As he sat and watched the Snowman in the cauldron the heat of the fire so close began to make him perspire, and by the time in the snowman in the cauldron had melted, so too had our dear, sweet cannibal snowman, George.


  1. Aw, shame on you cannibal George! Just desserts!

    Great story.